Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Be okay.

Everyone around me seems to be suffering. Cancer is running rampant. Depression is filing through the veins of my closest and dearest, like overcrowded lines, waiting to start a riot in the crumbling waiting room that is its host. Sickness of the most acute kind lighting fields on fire with it's laugh. It's enough to drive anyone to do something irrational. We are bleeding. Quietly, running with our eyes sewn shut, looking for a way out. How do we stay so quiet? He is deaf, she is lonely. I am not the only one drowning. I feel it all so much. Lord have mercy on us, be with us in the hour of our need. The world is spinning into something much more morbid than usual, and although I am a class A pessimist, I refuse to believe this is all there is.

There is a tree. On each side of the earth.
 One for those who bleed.
One for those who rot.
One for those who are suffering and cannot will it to stop.
More will follow.

What I wouldn't give to heal you all. What I wouldn't give to wipe away all your tears. To hold you and tell you, we will all be okay. But, I don't even know if we will be to tell you the God's honest truth.
But if you should ever feel like you're stuck in purgatory again, or burning in Hell, understand this.

It isn't rare for people not to see about themselves what others see in them.
Some cases may be more drastic. You are not worthless. The people who fight for you, do so because they see greatness. They see kindness. Beauty. Strength. You are worth life, simply because you have been given it. You deserve the space you take up. The breaths you take. It is all yours and rightfully so!
God is not in the business of teasing. Everyday horrible, bad things happen to wonderful, good people. It happens for no good reason or it happens for greater things to come along down the road. Life may be ours, but there are very few things we can do to control the outcomes of certain events in life. Life is meant to be lived. Suffering is a part of the ordeal. We definitely did not sign up for this, but there it is still. I get it. It's fucking hard, especially when you feel like you're being thrown 50 steps backwards for every 3 you take forwards. But bear this in mind. You're a fucking fireball. Light up your way to happiness. Burn and set ablaze your path and make your way through life.

"Out of the night that covers me,
 black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
my head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul."- Invictus, William Earnest Henley

but please also keep in mind darlings,

"Its ok you you know,
  to be carried now and then,
    Strength too needs a rest."- Tyler Knott Gregson

If you're reading this. Thank you, and I'm sorry. You don't know how much it means to me.

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